WELL

I’m just not gonna

it’s just not safe

in fact, its down right stupid

so..i’m just not gonna. 

Daniel Fast

Alright…well I said I was going to do the master cleanse. I also said I was going to update this blog throughout the process. I told an untruth on both accounts but for warranted reason. I decided against the Master cleanse because I felt that the Daniel Fast was a healthier option. I also have not updated the blog because I have been very busy dealing with the emotional work fasting takes and therefore have had little energy to devote to much else (unless completely necessary) but…..Ive decided to share what I like to call “the foods that got me (or are getting me through) Keep in mind, food is clearly not what gets you through a fast! God does. But in this fast I have discovered ways to be creative with my diet and enjoy “healthy options” without sacrificing taste. 15 days down 6 to go!! feeling better than ever….literally.

THE FOODS THAT GOT ME THROUGH

ALMOND MILK

believe it or not RALPHS brand vanilla almond milk is the best I have found on the market!! I opt for vanilla flavor because it taste good. Some may choose to do original since it is unsweetened. Im not one of them. This stuff is amazing!!….Since i don’t drink regular milk I will probably continue drinking this after the fast. 

TOFU STIRFRY

yumm!!! so colorful, so many vibrant taste and textures. I always marinade the tofu first usually in a concoction of 1 part olive oil 2 parts lemon with garlic  and salt. I usually add carrots, broccoli, corn, and red onions among other things. IT NEVER FAILS TO BE AMAZING!

SMOOTHIES

tropical fruits, and/or blueberries and bananas + almond milk = best breafast ever. You can add oats to make it more filling and you won’t need to eat again until 2 pm.  Be careful with the oats to much will give u a funky texture. other than that LOVE IT

CHAI TEA

has completely replaced my coffee addiction maybe for life. 

There will be more to come…but these are the best!!

MASTER CLEANSE JOURNEY

I need an outlet

Not the one you hunt around in the library for
This time, I need you to plug in to me
I need you to drain this energy
Calm these atoms bumping into each other.
Combat the incessant fusion of my emotions and actions.
I need a balance
Not the type you use to hang your curtains
This time, I need you to stand next to me, hover over me, and then support my weight
As I draw this line
Departure to destination
I need a ruler
Not the type you use to measure centimeters on paper
This time, I need you to help me retrace old steps to find my way back to where I was always supposed to be
Foot by foot

Ok

At this point I don’t know which way is up. I’m writing because its theraputic if you don’t understand this post….well I don’t either. I am currently in a hotel room in New York with tears rolling down my face (more like dried runny mascara at this point) Oh yeah and btw now I get it. 6 hours, a crap layover in milwaukee, 2 cramped planes, and 3000 miles cannot seperate me from this issue. What is this? And it would be nice to say that I at least understand the root of this problem…but this runs deeper than even I know. I don’t trust myself or my judgement. I’m looking up to you in shame and ridicule hopeing your aren’t looking down at me with the exact sentiments. All this faith in humanity….I have no idea where it came from….all this faith in you I really have no idea where its going. So imma continue to walk around stone faced and sassy until you tell me what to do. Its not because I’m angry (although a deep resentful part of me is) Its more because I don’t know what else to do…its beggining to look like I never did. I wish I was trusting you out of choice…but right now I’m looking at a last resort type situation…maybe one day that will change. Because If it doesn’t, this was all for nothing and I don’t know how to move past this ecxept to tell myself that there’s something here I should be seeing, learning. If this is all for not…

I give up

I want to tell you that I am sincerely tired.
I want to tell you that I didn’t trick you into “loving” me…so I shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences now that you have decided to change your mind.
I want to ask you why all the effort over someone or something you are not even sure about.
I want to remind you about your no drama policy.
I want throw a brick at you and tell you not to call
I would also like to tell you….that in the event you do…I will be waiting by the phone.

Sincere Frustration….

Im completely frustrated with myself!!! so many different areas of my life I feel like I consistently let myself down. Of course its not always evident from the outside perspective, but I feel like there are so many personal aspirations I have concerning who I want to be and in the midst of all these aspirations i remain stagnant. The part that really sucks is that I have been trying to gain momentum in these same areas for what seems like forever. Regardless, it is with no avail.

I guess the smart thing to do would be to congragulate myself on the different successes i have achieved; but on the ladder of life, it seems that I have so far until I get to the top. I know that life is about the journey not the destination. I tell myself that everyday…but when the journey takes you in circles its hard to believe in progress.

I mean really…how do you overcome yourself????